It's Monday and a start of another week of school. Clara, a mother of two looked busy that morning, preparing her children for school. However, there was no sign of her little boy getting ready that morning. She shouted from the stairs, still, no reply came from her son's room.
“Dennis, you better be quick. You're going to miss the bus if you don't!” she cried as entered her son's room.
She found Dennis crawling at the side of his bed, unprepared.
“I don't want to go to school. They'll beat me again.” Dennis uttered in between sobs.
Have this kind of situation ever happens to you? Is your child safe from bullies? How can you protect them? The inquisitions and questions may go on and on but what we need are answers and means to curb this problem. The act of bully builds fear in children and may distract their learning progress, and as if that is not enough, it might even go to certain extremes that results to long-term emotional and psychological instability. Take heed of the warning signs that indicate the needs for immediate actions.
The Signs
Most victims of bully are very discreet in opening themselves to others, even to their parents. Most probably, they feared that if they unfold the problem that they are facing, the bullying would intensify. As for parents, you may not see any bruises or cuts or any other physical damages to your child but that did not mean that the bullying is not taking place. The signs of a child being bully may vary and be in many different forms. Perhaps parents will have to develop their instinct and open their eyes wider to what is going on in their child's life. No parents like their child being bullied or being the bully. Remember, bully is not something normal as long as adolescence's life is concern.
The most common signs of bullying would be such as loss of appetite, easily distracted and not being able to stay focus onto something, being temperamental that involves erratic mood changes, isolating themselves from the crowd, tremendous loss of self-esteem and confidence, sleeping disorder and some, even bed-wetting. Children that are being bullied might be traumatized easily to physical attacks and bare violence and they would get effortlessly nervous to changes around them that involve people mostly.
What You Can Do
- As parents, the first you can do is to be cool, although it's something artificial if it were to be mentioned in such a way because naturally no parents can be cool when their children is faced with any sort of dangers whatsoever. Nevertheless, this will be the primary step to help you and your children along the process of getting out of this terrible situation.
- If you suspected that your child is being bullied, you should also contact and consult the teacher, school counselor or the principal and discuss the matter. However, just in case, you should also consider doing this in private by calling through the telephone at first. It is predictable that once the bullies who see the parents of their victims around school and suspect that reports are going to be made, intensify the bullying so that the victims will not give out their names.
- Make some time for parents-school relationship. By developing a positive rapport with the teachers in such ways like volunteering for school activities or raising funds will give a supportive, serious and reliable parents' image, therefore the teachers will take you seriously when you raise concerns about many things including school safety.
- Teach your child to think problems through calmly. Being angry and resorts to violence would not get them to any preferable outcomes and would only make matters worse. When confronted by a bully, avoid aggressive negotiation and sometimes withdrawing is the best way and convinced them that by doing so does not make them cowards.
- When facing bullies, tell your children do not ever lower their body because this act indirectly portrays their weakness to other children. Coach them to overcome their fears or at least not to show it apparently.
- Reminds your children to always consult you or the teachers when they have any problem or in trouble. As parents, you have to be ready to listen and be calm and tentative to what your child is telling you.
- Do not rush into conclusion or trying to mind-grind them into giving you information because this will only cause them to be more introverted and tight-lipped due to the pressure. They have faced enough. The main thing that you should do is to be able to make your child feel comfortable in telling you regarding the troubles that are upon them and let them be open in expressing their worries.
- Talk to them. Treat their words seriously and gain their confidence.
- If your child has been the constant victim of bullies, you should advice them to not be far from their teachers' sight or any other older individuals around. These will somewhat lower the risk of them being bullied. In short, they should not be alone and isolated.
- Ask them to always be in a group of friends. Encourage them to have something that we called "strong social support system", or better yet, you yourself can help your child to make friends and be involved. You can do this by inviting your child's friends to your home, plan group activities for them, provides positive and nurturing experience for your children and their friends.
- Avoid your child from bringing a huge sum of pocket money or any other valuables to school because all of these could attract bullies
- If in certain cases the bullying gets worse even after the school's involvement, consider removing your child from the school. In other words, transfer them to another school or consider home learning or any other alternatives available. It might not be a good solution for the long-term but it will help while things settle down.
- Resort to police reports if the bullying gets worse, of which most of the time includes physical harm
- Help your child gain back and develop their self-confidence as well as intrinsic motivation towards better perception of their self-worth
