I Love You Mom

For the first time, allow me to thank
you for all the love that you have given me especially
when I was a child, sickly and difficult. I remember
you coming from your factory work, dead tired, but you
still managed to go to the market, cooked and cared for
me. I always saw you because I was just there playing
with my friends. I saw you coming home with vegetables
and fish which, when cooked, I ate a sour face because
I wanted something more delicious. I don't remember
the day without a single complaint about you or about
the life that we lived. But I also do not remember any
word of gratitude from me for all that you were doing
for us. My other brothers and sisters tried their best
to help you. Thy sold things and engaged themselves
even in contractual jobs to help you survive the
family. It was hard not having a father around. I could
still remember the day when he left us for another
woman. You were trying to be brave, you talked to each
one of us with the appeal to make things work out and
do our best to keep the rest of us together. The family
became incomplete without Tatay, but you tried to serve
as mother and father. You were there to make a family
among us. You were never bitter; you were never hard on
us. But you were so hard on yourself in terms of not
having even a little luxury of buying a new blouse for
you. You always bought things for us first. And there I
was, still complaining because I wanted more expensive
things for me. And yet, you did not express any hurt
feelings even if I knew that deep inside you were
crying. You encouraged us to go to school, like my
other brothers and sisters who were working students. I
refused vehemently, I just wanted to hang around and
have an easy life. I was lazy. Probably, I did not know
what goodness was because I did not know how to be
grateful. I wanted a better life but did not like to
work for it. A month ago, you came home chilling
with fever from forced overtime work. I attended to you
for a while but went back across the street where I was
playing basketball with friends. I hardly looked at you
when you were there lying in one corner of he house.
After four days of sickness, you got up and prepared
for work. I did not even ask if you were already well.
I did not even help you carry the pail of water for
your bath. You went back to work just to come back home
in the evening pale and almost without life. You did
not like to go to the doctor. You said the money that
we had was for my next semester, in case I want to
enroll for school. You said that you will be
alright. The next day, you did not get up. My older
sister cooked breakfast. Afterwards, she asked me to
see if you were already awake. As I approached you,
there was a strange feeling. You were sleeping quietly.
Very quiet. I looked at you and you were lying down
calmly and peacefully. As I got near you, I felt a
pounding on my chest. For the first time, I prayed for
you, that God will open your eyes and say the usual
morning greetings to me with loving reminder that I
should eat my breakfast on time. With bended knees I

touched you, called you, but you did not seem to hear,
I embraced you but you did not seem to feel. I
whispered to you that I wanted to take care of you but
no response at all. Deep within me, I knew why you
cannot hear, speak, or feel me anymore. All I saw was a
body, with a face that was calm but still could not
hide the pains and struggles of a woman who tried her
best to give us a family in spite of her
limitations. As you lie down in peace before we
bring you to your final rest, I would like to tell you,
for the first time how grateful I am to you for being a
mother to me, for giving us a taste of a family.
Thank you for all the love that you have given me and
us all. For the first time, I want to tell you I LOVE
YOU and THANK YOU. The sad thing is that it does not
matter anymore whether it is my first or last time to
say those words to you... WISH YOU COULD HEAR ME say
those words to you, wish I was able to say them to you
a long time ago... FOR MY MOM, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, AND THANK
YOU..