Let's face it, no one plans on getting a divorce. I bet when you walked down the isle and said “I DO”, you weren't thinking how you couldn't wait to get divorced. It's never planned but does happen to many people.
According to a recent study, approximately 43% of first marriages end in separation or divorce. That's almost half of first marriages.
Well, I was one of the statistics. My first marriage ended in divorce and I can tell you that divorce is not easy. Of course, every situation is different. And depending on your particular situation will depend on how easy or difficult it is to “Survive” the divorce. I will tell you, when children are involved it is never easy. No matter how hard divorce seems to you and me, children are the ones that are affected the most. Now, please don't misunderstand…I'm not saying you shouldn't get divorced. I'm simply saying that children never seem to understand a divorce. And, most children, as time goes by secretly wish their parents would get back together again, which only makes the situation harder.
Other obstacles of divorce are assets and debts. Generally, assets are split down the middle. Usually debts are done the same unless the debt was incurred by one individual prior to the marriage. These divisions also make divorce difficult. This usually results in the bickering back and forth about who should get what and who should pay the debts.
Fear not, you can survive divorce. However, being open to suggestions is a must. First of all, it at all possible, divorce is easier if both parties can be amicable. Second, I recommend that you use an attorney. Filing for divorce on your own without an attorney can be done, however, your situation has to meet some pretty strict circumstances and you have to do all the running around yourself (county clerk's office, court house, etc).
Third, I recommend that if children are involved, they are sat down with both parties, and a mediator if necessary, so that the situation can be explained to the children from both parent's points of view. In most situations, the children are going to be upset, beg for you not to split up and blame themselves. However, if they are involved from the beginning, it may be easier for them to understand the situation. Remember, no matter what happens, you are not better of sticking together just for the sake of the kids. No matter how discrete you are, your children know when you are fighting and know when parents are unhappy. It only hurts them more when you try to stick it out just for their sakes. And waiting till they are adults to get divorced does not make the situation any easier on them. Other details will also have to be worked out, such as custody, visitation, and child support. Your lawyer will help you with this process also.
Finally, I recommend that your families are told as soon as possible. Believe me when I say that your families will be more understanding than you think. Ultimately, they want you both to be happy. And they wouldn't want you to stay together if it only makes you both miserable. Life is too short and shouldn't be wasted.
Once your divorce is finalized, you should do some serious soul searching to find out what you really want to accomplish with your life. Don't rush into another relationship. Although it may feel uncomfortable being alone (especially if your marriage lasted several years), you really need to take time for yourself. Most people are not allowed to really do for just themselves during a marriage. Therefore, this is a good time to just worry about you. Enjoy taking time to soul search. Before you can really give your love to another person, you must first love yourself.
Once you have decided to start dating, be selective. Don't think you are going to walk into a bar and find the person of your dreams. It rarely works that way. It is actually better to find someone through a mutual friend (who already knows this person and knows what they like, dislike, what their bad habits are, etc.). Another option is online dating services. You must use caution. Some of these services don't help in any way with the selection process and therefore will resulting in you wasting your time. If you decide to use an online dating service, I would recommend EHarmony
. They have a selection process in helping you find someone who really fits your desires, therefore helping you with the selection process and not leaving it to chance or looks. This is important.
Most importantly, remember, divorce is not a simple or easy process. You will hurt and need time to heal. But, once you've decided that divorce is the only option, you can follow the above mentioned steps to help you “survive” the divorce process.
