She may have kept her relationship with the father a secret, which will make the ultimate discovery that she is pregnant even more of a shock. Or your teenage daughter may have been the victim of a rapist. This article will look at how parents or guardians should react when they learn that their teenage daughter is pregnant.
Gather the facts
Finding out that your teenage daughter is pregnant will not be easy to handle, but just think of how your daughter must be feeling as she or someone else breaks the news to you. She may be feeling guilty, overwhelmed and in shock. So be gentle with her and gather the facts. Do not immediately jump to conclusions about what has happened and start shouting abusively at her. After all, if your daughter was the victim of a rapist, her pregnancy is not her fault. She did not choose to have sex and end up in this situation.
Inform the father
Unless the father is a rapist, it is important to inform him of your daughter's pregnancy, as he has a right to know. He may also be a teenager and show no interest in assuming responsibility for his child. But the father will still need to support his child financially. However much you may dislike the father of your daughter's baby, remember that your grandchild will want to know who their father is and have the opportunity to get to know him. Conversely, the father may want to be actively involved in his baby's life. If so, allow him his rights as a father.
Do not force her to opt for adoption or foster care
Find out your daughter's thoughts on her pregnancy and do not force her to give her baby up for adoption or to put the baby into foster care once he or she is born. This is a very delicate situation. The ultimate decision will rest with her as the mother. If you force her to give her baby away, she may well live to regret the decision and resent you for your interference. So even if you think it is for the best for her not to be a teenage mother, the facts remain, she will be a teenage mother if she chooses to continue with her pregnancy. You cannot turn the clock back and make sure that she never got pregnant in the first place.
Abortion violates the sanctity of life
You may feel that abortion is the best option and going through with an abortion will allow your daughter to resume her "normal" teenage activities once again. But think for a moment about the life that is growing inside your daughter. This is your grandchild. Abortion will end your grandchild's life and you will never get to see him or her grow and form a relationship with you and with their mother if you talk your daughter into having an abortion. Once it is done, the baby is gone for good.
Do not insist upon marriage
Some parents feel that the best solution to the issue of their teenage daughter's pregnancy is to insist that the young couple get married. This depends on many factors. A couple should not get married simply to avoid an out of wedlock birth. Parents need to consider what will be best for their daughter and grandchild. Do the couple have genuine love for one another? Would they have married later on down the road if your teenage daughter was not pregnant? Marriage will not ultimately unite a couple in a secure bond of love, but can actually make them drift apart and resent one another.
Dealing with the news of your teenage daughter's pregnancy will leave you with feelings of shock, disbelief and perhaps even anger. But do not be quick to judge your daughter. Gather all of the facts and then proceed with caution. Look at how your daughter feels about what has happened and accept her apology if she offers one. She will be in need of parental support. If you berate her for becoming pregnant, you may push her away altogether and that would deprive you of your grandchild, as well as your daughter.
