Having a well behaved child starts with the parents. Children aren't born bad, they learn it from their environment and surroundings. An active and attentive parent, who sets good examples, and enforces the child's boundaries is all the child needs to make good choices in life.
The first step to having a well behaved child is to spend time with him or her. Many children were act out or misbehave just to get attention, because they learn that the only attention they get is negative, and that beats no attention at all. By spending time with your child, you're giving them their much needed attention, as well as keeping them busy and out of trouble for that moment.
It isn't difficult to spend time with your child. You can just talk to them for a few minutes every day, with no interruptions, even if they have nothing to say. Ask about their day, what happened in school. This way you'll learn about their life and the things they're doing when you aren't there. Be careful not to be judgemental. If you're too harsh or judgemental they will refrain from telling you things in the future. You want to encourage open and honest conversation by making yourself a safe zone when it comes to problems. If you must correct actions, do not do it in an angry way. Explain calmly that what they did was a bad choice, and tell them what you expect of them in the future.
Younger children will tend to be more behaved if their schedule is structured. Too much free time leads to boredom, which leads to mischief. All children need a bit of free time to run wild and be themselves, but during the times they're unable to run wild, you should have structured activities for them to partake in, such as coloring, reading, arts and crafts, or doing chores. Set a time limit for each activity, and allow them a few minutes break in between so they can stretch or play on their own.
Structure, stability, and attentive parents isn't always enough to keep children well behaved. They need proper discipline as well. Children must learn there is a concequence for every action. Parents often give the wrong concequence, or inconsistent concequences, thus teaching the child that they can get away with misbehaving.
In order to properly discipline, you must first learn to properly praise. When a child is praised they feel an overwhelming sense of pride, and will strive to continue to recieve praise from their parents. Praise does not have to come in the form of a reward, just a few affectionate words from mom or dad is enough for most children. When you see your child playing quietly on the floor with their cars, trucks or dolls, you can say "Look how nicely and quietly you're playing, good job!" This will encourage quiet indoor play.
A child who is constantly contradicted and scorned without being praised will assume they can never do anything right, and won't strive to be a behaved child. So praise is highly important. But that doesn't mean scorn should be thrown out the window. Children also need to know when they've done wrong. The problem with scorn and punishments is that it's often improperly used. Parents must learn to pick their battles. Certain misbehaviors should be overlooked. Often times it's just a child acting their age. You must learn what to expect from your particular child. A 5 year old child most likely isn't going to clean their room the way you would, and you can't expect them to. Punishing that child for not cleaning correctly is unrealistic. No amount of scorn or punishment will get the child to clean properly if they are not capable of it.
However if a 5 year old uses a swear word or does something dangerous, this can be punished. Even if the child doesn't know it's wrong, being scorned will teach them that it is not acceptable behavior.
Which brings me to my next point, making sure the punishment fits the crime. Discipline should be looked at as a teaching method. Children don't automatically know right from wrong, they need to be taught from their parents. If your five year old uses a swear word without realizing it's wrong, they should be taught that it's wrong firmly with kind words. "That is a very bad word and should never be used!" A swear word is not immediate call for soap in the mouth or a spanking or loss of desserts. Unless the child is older and already knows the word is wrong, in which case the punishment can be a bit more harsh, such as a loss of a priveledge.
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