So my mom and my brother have been fighting for about a year. Ever since his wedding to this girl that my mom absolutely detests. Both are at fault for many things. But they haven't talked since the wedding pretty much.
We tried to visit him in New York and all sorts of things rubbed my parents the wrong way. My brother spoke to everyone, but didn't say a single word to my mom. It was pretty terrible.
My brother was disrespectful and not very understanding of my mom's point of view. He was ignoring her and not calling her. He didn't even publicly say thanks for raising me at the wedding, but he did to his new wife's parents.
My mom was too forceful, too dramatic, and she never put forth an effort to call him either. I feel bad for my mom though. It's hard for her to understand what is wrong with her method. She just can't see it. All she feels is pain and her defensive mechanism is anger.
So my mom yells at my brother, my brother yells at my mom, and then they just stop talking and both wait for the other to call and apologize. It's pretty messed up.
My boyfriend is overseas right now. It drove me nuts that he went to bars without me. I was jealous, sad, and worried all at the same time. I yelled too. a lot. and all the time. I wanted him to tell me he loved me and missed me a lot, that I shouldn't worry, that he still is faithful to me and I should trust him. I wanted reassurance.
I wasn't getting it though. Instead, we just kept fighting and it made me feel worse and worse. I finally came upon a realization. I had to be supportive of him. I had to try to understand him and what he wants to do. I have to put my faith in him. We've dated for long enough you know. If I was nice to him, then it would allow him to be in a better mood and be more likely to reassure me. If I was yelling, he'd just get upset and lock up. Just like anyone would.
So I changed my method and it worked. I wish my mom could see that. My brother might make mistakes, but she's just got to step back and let him if he won't listen to her advice you know? She can't make him, but she can't accept that fact. It sucks. My prayer is so that she finally gets it. Love you mommy, be happy.
