I was born in Bethlehem, PA on April 8, 1980, about three weeks after my original due date. I was born to a man and a woman who, just simply were not ready for a family. They weren't married and did not stay together, from what I understand. Three days later, the lawyer for my parents collected me from Bethlehem and drove me to Wilkes-Barre, PA. When he turned down the little dead end street where I grew up and saw all the neighbors standing on their front porches waiving to the single-car parade, the lawyer looked at the white t-shirt he dressed me in and remembered the pretty yellow outfit my parents had provided! All the bystanders, including my parents cared about, of course, was that I was arriving at all. At the time, my biological parents had up to November 13 of that same year to change their mind and my being three weeks late didn't help anyone's nerves!
That little parade marked the first of many annual "Special Days" that my family celebrated- the day I met my parents. It was a great concept. Every year, I got my normal presents on my birthday and then, on my Special Day, I got that one gift I REALLY WANTED (one year it was pink and white roller skates!) If someone were to ask you when you learned about, for instance, Christmas, you would most likely reply that you have ALWAYS known. In reality, first you just understood that you got presents. As you got older, you asked and received answers to age appropriate questions so it SEEMED like you always knew. That's exactly how my Special Day worked. The other neat part of the concept was that instead of being the "weirdo" that was adopted, my peers saw me as the lucky one that got extra presents.
It's a common belief that one can choose one's friends but not one's family. With adoption, it is possible to choose family! Families aren't made out of blood, they are made out of love. In today's society full of step families and half families children being raised by grandparents, aunts and uncles, godparents and foster parents, the term family is becoming increasingly inclusive. I ended up being an only child, but, I found siblings in my best friends and cousins.
I am now happily married and a mother of two small children. I am not scarred by being adopted. I do not have a hole in my heart, I have a WHOLE heart. Even after biologically having my children, I am not tempted to search for my biological parents. My parents always told me of two people who loved me enough to give me up to a better life and two people who loved me enough to take me and give me that better life.
A lot of people ask me about the lack of knowledge provided to me in the closed adoption regarding any health history. Am I concerned that I know nothing of my blood history? I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I also understand that there are plenty of things that no one can prevent regardless of how armed with information they may be because there's always a possibility that SOMETHING is omitted. No one can predict the future and I am okay with that. My biological parents couldn't predict what would happen to me when they gave me up and they were okay with that. I think it's called faith.
It seems like the adoption option has gotten lost in the battle between pro-life and pro-choice activism. To provide a solution in that debate is beyond my abilities but, I would think it's pretty courageous for a woman to actually love and care for a life inside of her for 9 months and then selflessly acknowledge that she is not the one that can provide the BEST possible life for that child. The task of raising a child is indeed daunting, the choice to end a pregnancy has the potential for lifelong emotional scarring and the ability to trust that a child will have a better life with someone else is a strength that I don't often see in today's world. I think that strength is the best gift that my biological parents could have possibly given to me. It helps my overall belief in humanity to look back at that strength and the strength of my parents to accept the challenge of giving me the best they could because it's proof that strength and goodness still exist in today's world.
