Anyone who has dropped their child off at grandma's house knows how helpful having their extended family's assistance is, but, does that really mean that you need to have your extended family to help you be a better parent? More to the point, what if you don't have any extended family in the first place?
It's an age-old concept: extended family can help to diffuse situations, create a sort of network and sounding board and, in a pinch, serve as babysitters. The idea is that your children have many adults helping to guide them on their way to adulthood. The many adults will all (of course) be of solid mind and morals, with an impeccable sense of integrity. If this were always the case, keeping your crazy cousin Larry around to watch the children for you would be no problem; unfortunately, it's not.
With families spread so far apart today, it isn't always realistic to expect to have your extended family around you all the time. You may only see your cousins once a year or so, depending on your schedules and the holidays you share. Most families do fine without the help of their extended families. They allow their kids to get to know uncles and aunts during the times they see each other and go on their way when the festivities end. This has become almost accepted practice all over.
If you do live close to your clan, however, you should encourage your children to spend time with their relatives, old and young alike. Families are supposed to be a safe environment for kids to grow and flourish while feeling that there are many responsible adults they can turn to whenever the need arises. As your children grow into teenagers, having the additional support can really be a blessing; if your daughter needs a different perspective than that of her parents, she can turn to your cousin. You can trust your cousin to give sound advice because she's family. You and your husband might be having problems and your son is missing the male influence of your husband; that's when you can ask your father for help. The point is, with many different influences and family members; you don't have to ask a stranger to be a surrogate for your children.
Of course, this isn't always the way things go. You could have a bunch of people who are murderers for uncles or your sister could be a prostitute. In this case, you certainly wouldn't want your children around these people too often; for fear that they would teach your kids things that went against your values. Besides, all families have a couple of “black sheep” and part of the beauty of family is that they accept. Or try to, at least.
It doesn't really matter much in the big scheme of things, however, if you don't have extended family around you and your children. As long as you and your immediate family are close and make efforts to truly get to know, accept and love each other, you are creating what will eventually become an extended family. If you and your spouse and children enjoy one another and spend time together regularly, then you are encouraging a tight knit family for years to come. That's what matters.
Of course, you'll have to pay for your babysitters and make a drive to see your cousins, you may have to depend on the influence of teachers and activities leaders a little more than if you had your whole family around you, but your kids will be fine. More often than not, most of us adapt to what we have and don't miss what we don't have, so don't despair if your kids don't have a herd of cousins teaching them to jump in mud puddles and start things on fire. Don't worry if your brother doesn't have kids and lives across the country from you. Instead of cousins, your kids will make friends; instead of an uncle who lives down the street, your kids will have their dad's best friend.
You will create your solid network; many people do now and that will serve as your extended family in many ways. It can be just as sheltering and comforting to you and your kids as if you were all related by blood that eventually, you may not know the difference.
