The teen years, as can be attested to by millions of parents worldwide and down through the ages, can be a morass of challenges.
These young adults are rushing towards their maturity while still clinging to certain childish ways. This can be bewildering both for the parents and for the teenagers themselves. They want to be treated like a grown up but still tend to exhibit a backsliding into childish tempers. IE: Tantrums that would put a terrible two to shame. And due to their increased size, these outbursts can be devastating.
Peer pressures, hormonal surges, school pressures and other new changes and responsibilities can act like a lid placed on an active volcano. There are going to be explosions. And just like you can't necessarily blame the mountain for spilling its molten lava on you, so too should you make an effort to not blame the teen who has a meltdown.
When an argument starts to escalate, break off the debate and go to neutral corners. Time outs work for more than small children. They can be used equally well for adults and emerging adults. Once each side is feeling sufficiently reasonable(which can take hours or in some cases days) meet again to talk over your issues. There is usually more than raging biochemistry at work and your teenager will benefit from a calmer discussion not only to help them figure out their own thoughts and feelings but also from having your more reasonable example presented to them. If the situation begins to run amok again, take another break.
This cycle can last not for months and most likely years while the family works through this difficult period. The teen brain and heart are a boiling stew of struggles and it's going to require letting off steam from time to time because no matter how many other outlets are available, some instinctive reactions are going to happen that can be quite unpleasant and downright nasty. Everyone's patience is going to be tested.
Learn to take time outs and other breaks and don't allow yourself to take your teenager's outbursts to heart. This is still your child, despite the Heckle-and-Jeckle nature they may exhibit right now. What is happening during this phase is temporary, even if it turns out to last for a few years. Other families over the millenia have gotten through this problem, so there is every reason to believe that you'll also be able to get through it. And someday you'll be able to interact on a mature level with your grown child. Just keep reminding yourself that this phase, too, shall pass.
