Oh, no! My child might turn into a homicidal maniac. My boy might play with pipe bombs. My girl might run off with a man three times her age. Help, the internet is stealing my child from me. Video games are rotting their brains. These technological wonders and other such media influences are corrupting our children!
Or are they? How do parents, even if both work, keep an eye on their children in this quick-cut, often violent, techno society? The news and other media might have us believe that danger lurks around every microchip, but advanced technology does not mean that tried and true methods of parenting are no longer useful. Quite the contrary.
Up to less than a hundred years ago, families worked together at family businesses (some still do, but it is a disappearing trend) interacting with each other every day. Many worked on farms, the rest at various crafts. Even when traveling far away, letters and eventually telegraphs kept the lines of communication open between loved ones.
Later as the industrial revolution grew, those that worked in corporations and other formal business settings made certain to put aside time to spend with family. This is still done today, of course, but it almost seems like a dying trend for families that are becoming increasingly splintered as well as chronically busy.
Unions were created as much to instill the concept that workers received holiday time and holiday pay as well as fair wages for time clocked in. Trading stories and gossip around the hearth or local store was a way for neighbors to keep in touch.
Today, we have different methods for staying connected. Faxes, the world wide web, cell phones and other technological wonders mean that most information is available literally at the touch of a button. So is communication. And yet there seems to be a growing emotional distance that has been developing for decades between parents and children. How do we keep ourselves from becoming those unemotional, robot-like people that some sci-fi writers predicted a generation or more ago?
Try being nosy. Try good, old-fashioned, get in your child's face and ask them how they're doing. “How was your day?” Even if you only receive a grunt or a "whatever”, at least words are being exchanged. Try not to intrude on their privacy if they ask for it, but knocking on a bedroom door and asking to come in is perfectly reasonable. Random talks are even better. You don"t need to have some reason or concern in order to start a conversation with your child.
Reading a diary or other paper journal, even if left out in the open, is a no-no. But constant pestering for conversation is perfectly reasonable. Teenagers in particular can be scary beings, but this does not mean they should be left as alone as they might seem to claim.
If worse comes to worse, learn how to text message if you haven't already. It is a truncated form of writing, but it is writing nonetheless. More importantly, it is conversation. And this can lead to true communication. Create your own MySpace
, YouTube
or Facebook
pages and connect yourself to your child's pages as if you are one of their friends. It doesn't matter if they don't consider you "cool" or like a friend. Give each other the gift of insight into what the other is thinking or feeling. Check their blogs, yes, but also add to and otherwise update your own. The important aspect here is to CONNECT.
It is also important to spend time doing things with your kids, and not just activities you think are wholesome or otherwise good for them. A trip to the local museum can be fine - I'm not saying don't take them to these wonderful, educational places - but allow yourself some freestyle time to just play with your children, too. Watch some television together, even if you're not completely thrilled with their choice of TV shows.
Even more importantly, discuss the show afterwards. Or just play some video games with them. Join in. Be an active participant instead of an outside observer. If you're more comfortable as a spectator, fine, just be an active one. Do the wave. Even if they roll their eyes and groan at your antics.
Find new ways to interact with each other again, whether through blogs, notes on the fridge, or just good old-fashioned talks. Despite claims of needing more space and more privacy, your kids still need to know that you're there for them, too. And you need to know what is going on in their lives.
