Some of the things families fight about aren't really that important. If you are having a tug-of-war with one of your kids (or even your spouse,) examine what you really want. As long as the shelf gets dusted, is it such a big deal that your daughter picks up the knickknacks one at a time rather than removing all of them first the way you do?
If your son insists on putting all the plates on the table before getting out the placemats and slipping them underneath, do you really care? Sure, it's hard to see his logic (there isn't any,) but letting him do it his way, will show him you can accept his need for a little independence and it doesn't hurt anyone. If you make a big deal out of it, then the game is on.
Some battles are a little more complicated and warrant flexible parenting skills.
Here are some examples:
Your Child Goofed Around All Evening And Hasn't Done His Homework.
Now he's sleepy and wants to go to bed. You have told him he has to stay up until he gets it done.
And so he must, right? You put your foot down after all. No problem. Pick it up again. Parents are allowed to change their minds. If you try to force him to stay up and finish his schoolwork, chances are he'll rebel, do a crappy job or fall asleep with his pencil in his hand. On the other hand, you could let him have his way. Go ahead and let him go to bed. Just wake him up an hour earlier than usual so he can finish his work before school. Don't worry, you probably won't have to do this too many times.
Your Child Hates To Take Baths
She stinks like the wet leaves she played in all afternoon. She really needs a bath, but bathtime is always a struggle no matter how much bubble bath and how many toys are available. Clearly the ultimate goal is cleanliness. Have you thought through your options?
Depending on her age, consider letting her take a shower or bath with Mom. You could even buy a spray hose that fits onto the bathtub faucet. I recommend that you don't let her have control of the sprayer, however, or you are likely to have a dripping wet bathroom.
Kids like to have their say, so you might let her decide if she wants a quick scrub down with cold water or a longer soak in warm. She doesn't have to know right now that the water from the spray hose can be adjusted warmer.
One more idea. Kids like having their own stuff and motel shampoos and soaps are child-sized versions of Mom and Dad's and they are free.
When It's Your Son's Turn To Wash Dishes, He Does, But You've Noticed He Does a Lousy Job.
We tend to think our own way of doing a task is the only correct way and sometimes it is. If your son has a different approach to cleaning dishes and it clearly isn't working as well, you could try to force him to follow your method. After all, there's a good chance he is subconsciously (or consciously) doing a crappy job in the hopes you will ban him from this chore forever.
Instead of making him do the dishes your way, consider letting him keep doing the job his way until he figures out for himself what really works. You could have him rewash all the dishes in the cabinet any time you come across a single dirty plate. Or, if your kids rotate chores, let him take the dishes on permanently or at least until he gets it right. Another option you might want to consider is to let him use the utensils and plates with dried egg yolk and the glass with floaters. It probably won't make him too sick.
Your Child Won't Eat Everything You Serve
The green veggie of the day is brussel sprouts. Your son hates them, even if they are smothered in ranch dressing. If your primary goal is for your child to eat a healthy variety of foods, and he regularly eats broccoli, green beans, peas and spinach, then consider letting him skip the brussel sprouts tonight (and desert, too, if he won't even taste them.) Let him substitute another healthy vegetable. Some easy options are celery, pickles, or carrots.
On the other hand, if your child's obedience at the dinner table is more important to you than him getting his homework done, doing his chores, and getting to bed on time, then it might make sense for you to insist he stay at the table until he has cleaned his plate. Just be prepared for clever and subversive acts. My favorite as a child was going to the bathroom with a mouthload of food. KerPloosh!
What's The Goal?
Your job as a parent is to help your child become independent with all the skills necessary for livng on his own. Chances are you are teaching him the basic skills the same way your parents taught you. But, if you insist that it's your way or the highway, you might just be nudging your child out the door before you're done. Besides, there is a possibility, however remote, that your son really does have a better way of doing things.
Hmmm, you might just learn something important from him. Naaaa!
Happy Parenting!
