Maybe it happens when you least expect it... a four-letter utterance from your preschooler. Or perhaps you hear objectionable language from your older child. Whenever it occurs, parents nearly always find bad language from children shocking and objectionable. The knee-jerk reaction is to punish the child immediately, and hope never to have to deal with the situation again. However, there are varying opinions about the effectiveness of that strategy.
The first question is “How old is the child?” This is because children use bad language for different reasons at different ages. Very young children often do not realize that such words are objectionable….they imitate nearly anything. In this case, a matter-of-fact explanation that the word is not acceptable in the family is usually enough to curb any repeat performances. If parents overreact at this stage, children enjoy the “show” and learn that objectionable words get lots of attention. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if you punish the child...he or she still has your attention.
Older children, on the other hand, are more likely to attempt to get a response from you by using shocking language. The best response can be no response at all in this case. If the language doesn't have the desired effect, it will often be dropped. If it does continue, the parent or caregiver may want to give one warning that continued use will have consequences (be specific here...loss of a privilege, time out, or whatever works in your situation), then FOLLOW THROUGH!
One family had success with the consequence of social shunning; that is, ignoring the child's social overtures, such as conversation or requests for non-vital interaction. The parents met the child's basic needs, but did not play or engage in conversation. When the child attempted interaction, the parents simply responded, “you used a word that hurt my feelings. I don't want to be with you just now. Maybe later when I'm feeling better.” The child in that family quickly learned that impolite language gained nothing and lost him much attention.
Some children use bad language without realizing how hurtful it really is. Many of these words have fallen into common usage with no regard for the real meaning. If you feel your child is old enough, you may want to spell out the exact meaning of the word in question. Providing an acceptable substitute exclamation may help.
And finally, if your child continues to use off-color language, be very careful to map out your response and the consequences you intend to use to stop the behavior, then BE CONSISTENT. Always respond in the same way with the chosen consequences, and share your plan with other adults in the household or those who care for your child elsewhere so that everyone has the same expectations and is following the same plan.
