Being Adopted

I don't remember a specific moment in time when I found out that I was adopted. My parents never hid it from me. I grew up just knowing that I was adopted, and I didn't think it was a big deal until I went to school. Kids can be harsh, and when they found out that I was adopted, they teased me. Then I felt the stigma of being different. All of a sudden it was a bad thing to be adopted because you weren't normal. But as we all matured it became less and less of a big deal.

My parents always told me that when I turned 18 they would help me find my birth parents. I always had this curiosity, wondering what my birth family was like. Although my parents treated me no different than they would if I was their biological child, I still felt like something was missing in my life…a missing piece to the puzzle. I didn't look anything like the rest of my family. Being adopted is a difficult thing because although you share memories and history with your adopted family, you always have this nagging thought in the back of your mind that you are different. I still had a lot of questions that were unanswered.

When I was 18, I asked my mom how to find my biological parents. She gave me a letter that she had saved with the contact information for the adoption agency that my parents used. I was able to have more information sent to me by the agency. They sent me birth records showing where I was born, what time, with a description of my birth parents, but their names were blacked out. When I called the adoption agency, I was told that I would have to hire a private investigator to find the identity of my birth parents.

I started to look into different investigators, and I was getting ready to hire one for $600 when I found the International Soundex Reunion Registry. This is the world's largest free reunion registry. I really doubted that there would be a match, but I filled out an application anyway since it didn't cost me anything.

One month later, I received the call. The person I spoke with said, “Your search is over. We found your birth mother.” He gave me her full name, birth date, and contact information. I was in shock. It seemed too easy. After all the searching, I had her information in my hand. She was just a phone call away. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Without thinking, I told my mom, “I found my mom!” I could tell by the look on her face that her feelings were hurt. I didn't mean it that way. I was just excited to finally have her contact information. I was excited to think that I was finally going to get answers to all the questions I had growing up. But now that I am able to look back at that day from my mom's point of view, I can see how that comment would hurt her feelings. In my mind, she is my mom. She is the one who raised me, and I am very grateful for that.

I was so nervous to make that call to my birth mother. I didn't even know what to say. That night I called her. It was like a dream. I was in awe that I was actually talking to the woman that I wondered about all of my life. I wondered if I looked like her. I wondered what kind of person she was. I wondered what happened between her and my birth father. We had a great conversation. I wanted her to know that I felt no resentment toward her for making the decision to give me up for adoption. I thanked her for thinking of my wellbeing, and I wanted her to know that I was raised in a good home. She was very relieved to hear that. We talked for over an hour asking each other questions. I agreed to send her pictures of me and she said she would do the same. All the time that I spent searching for her, I didn't think about all the other people who would be involved. I wasn't quite prepared for what happened next.

All of a sudden I had a whole new family to meet: sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. It was overwhelming at first. Here's the thing about being adopted. You grow up in a family where you don't look like everyone else, and then you find your birth family and although you look like them, you don't share all the memories that they do. I found it uncomfortable at first when I was being introduced to people that were complete strangers to me yet they were my family. I didn't know what to call them. Should I call them Uncle, Aunt, Grandma, Grandpa? It was very strange.

But it really is a fascinating thing to be adopted because then you can clearly see what characteristics in you are hereditary and which ones come from your environment. It amazes me the mannerisms and behaviors that I see in my birth family that remind me of myself. And I have been able to have closure in my life from this experience.

I haven't left my adopted family to join my birth family. My family just doubled in size. I am blessed to have such a huge family. I love my adopted family more than ever, and I have grown to love my birth family more and more. And now I am making memories with everyone. And I have finally found out that I do fit in.