Avoiding Grandparent Syndrome

So you think that just because you raised them, had them toilet trained, weaned, walking and talking by one year of age, they actually want your advice on raising their kids?

No.

They don't.

And if you push, you will become another victim of Grand Parent Syndrome.

GPS is not fatal, unless you keep pumping out that unwanted advice.

As a parent you did the best you could; if you've had more than one child you might have botched the first but by the second had it under control.

They, as new parents, should, you think, turn to you for a few pointers.

NOPE.

You are the last person they want to hear from. Write it down if you think you'll forget; THEY DON'T WANT YOUR ADVICE. Kids who were raised in the 50s and 60s were under the 'scientific' scheme. Usually fed measured formula, the times to begin toilet training and weaning carefully notated, by the time a child was one year old diapers were obsolete and cups replaced bottles.

Those born in the 70s and 80s might have had some carry over so half of them might be raised as their parents were, while the other half were kept on the breast or bottle longer, and toilet training was delayed.

By the 90s and "00s enormous kids with a mouth of teeth are going for the breast, and there seems no attempt to toilet train kids as old as two and a half.

There is no sense trying to tell the new parents that introducing foods on a spoon at one month is a easy way to wean the baby without trauma as is beginning to toilet train as soon as the baby can sit up.

After all, the baby of one month who is started on porridge (and other foods slowly introduced) will be eating from the family pot by six months, and the bottle/breast no longer the centre of nourishment so easily removed without the child feeling insecure.

The baby of three months who is put on the potty each morning (and/or when the parent has learned they usually pass stool) will be toilet trained by nine months as it has become "normal' for them to not dirty a diaper.

You know this.

You raised them this way.

However, that was then.

This is Now.

Unless their pediatrician or one of their friends tells them these things, they will find your advice repugnant.

Hence, Silence is Golden.

Once you can be silent on the "major" issues, ignoring the "minor" is simplicity itself.

So the kid cries incessantly. She's so spoiled the parents must satisfy her every whim or be subject to tantrums.

It is NOT your problem.

Ignore it.

Keep yourself out of the line of fire when the kid starts throwing things, (bathrooms are great places to hide). Prove totally unreliable so no one can ask you to babysit, (trust me, you don't want to look after this kid).

Act as if nothing is strange, no matter how insane it is. In this way, you avoid GPS. The kid will realise what jerks his parents are, and look to you as the only sensible adult. Sure, it will drive your kids crazy when their brat turns to you as the fount of all wisdom, but that's the reward.?