Attachment Parenting: How to Raise Confident, Secure Children

Quite simply, attachment parenting is about responding to your infant's, then toddler's, then older child's needs immediately and consistently. It also means you hold them physically close - a lot, preferably in some sort of infant carrier for their first year of life.

Some argue that all this attention spoils the child. I have found that my children and others raised this way are now confident, secure and well on their way to being well-adjusted and independent - and anything but spoiled. Another way to put it is: by letting your child know they are safe, they need you less and less.

Attachment parenting is rooted in solid psychological research. If a child successfully meets each stage of development, they can move on to the next. If not, they may stay rooted in one childhood stage for the rest of their life. We all know people like that!

Here is a list of ten things that describe attachment parenting:

1. After birth, in the first month or so, do as much skin to skin as possible (with either parent!)
2. Breastfeed! This not only supplies nutrients and immunity from illness to the newborn, promotes a feeling of safety and security (and no bottles to wash). At least for 6 months, a year is best, and you can go as long as you feel comfortable with after that. Yes, attachment parenting means feeding them on demand - even throughout the night. They WILL outgrow this.
3. Respond to their crying immediately, don't wait or let them cry it out. It usually means: I'm hungry, I wet or soiled my diaper, or I have gas and my tummy needs rubbing. Hold them, put on soft music and slow dance, run the vacuum cleaner for “white noise”, or give them a warm bath.
4. After 3 months, when their neck muscles can support an erect head, always use an infant carrier when you are out and about.
5. Attachment parenting is NOT letting your child cry him or herself to sleep.
6. Let them sleep in your bed or in the same room with you the first year of life.
7. If at all possible, avoid using caregivers other than yourself or your mate the first two years of life. If that is not possible, try to have a consistent caregiver other than yourself who also responds to your child's needs immediately.
8. Practice positive discipline - reward good behavior with love, praise and attention, ignore undesirable behavior.
9. As they get older - feed them with respect. No games, bribes, or forced feeding - encourage them to try things at least once or twice and reward that effort with love and praise.
10. Having said all that - knowing when to say a firm, loving no is important as well. Your health, the health of the marriage, and your family's health must all be taken into consideration.