Most normal healthy couples fight, but sometimes it unfolds into a complete battle of the sexes. Children have a completely different perspective of an argument, and they do not understand what causes parents to argue like they do. Usually the altercation has some kind of effect on them. Children are devastated that the most important people in their life cannot get along. This devastation can possibly have an effect on the kids' adulthood. They see the arguments and then they assume an argument is natural. Soon after they grow up, the arguments become a problem in their relationships too. What people do not know is that arguments are not necessary, and it has devastating effects on a child. There are three stages of an argument that have disturbing effects on children. They are personalities collide, hurtful statements fly, and unnecessary rage takes control.
Personalities Collide
First of all, most couples are complete opposites, and their personalities can collide. The fact that couples are so different, they hurtle the anger at each other. One spouse can have a very bubbly personality, and a love for making people laugh. The other could be mellow, shy, and like quietness. That on its own can cause some kind of argument. When personalities are so different, it is like two batteries. One side has a positive charge, but the other has a negative charge. Also picture the last two cars at a demolition derby. They both want to win, whereas this same behavior can be applied to an argument. Most couples are different in many ways, but friends and family can never tell until they argue. The children however watch and listen to everything that is said in an argument. They love to watch their parents get along, but hate when they argue. Also, the parent's personalities can reflect on their children.
Everyone Says Hurtful Things
Second, when an argument begins it starts out with a conversation. One or both parties give derogatory answers. One spouse will say something that should not be answered with a derogatory statement. This is the point where an argument gets bad. Voices raise and others can sense all the anger that has built up over a day or week of stress. Stress is usually what unleashes the beast in a person. Stress is what causes people to say really hurtful things. When one person has a really bad day it reflects on the people around them. Most people that that stress out on the ones closest to them. Sometimes the children get involved into an argument because the parents find it necessary to use a child as leverage. This can cause stress on the child, and they can become angry at one or both parents. For spouses and children, hurtful statements are a big part of the problem in arguments.
Unnecessary Rage
Lastly, an argument is usually over petty things. Maybe an argument is because of one spouse not fulfilling his duties that contribute to maintaining a household. Possibly, one spouse could lose a job and that was the only source of income, or one spouse thinks the other is straying. Usually an argument leads to an uncontrollable rage due to something that should have never been said. After an argument it normally gets quiet, so quiet that tension can be cut with a knife. Within the tension unspoken words still linger in the room, and silently scream in each spouse's ear. Kids are usually afraid of this tension because they know the argument is anything but over. The words weigh so heavy on the spouse's brain it seems to suffocate. It causes even more rage then the spoken words have. At this time each spouse believes the other is walking on thin ice, or eggshells, as the saying goes. This is the point when the couples either find other hurtful things to say, or decide the argument should end. The couples try to cool off before deciding to talk about the situation that caused them to be so upset in the first place. They sometimes even try to tell the children that the argument was just the adults talking. They also try to play it off to the kids as no big deal.
In conclusion, everybody has arguments, because everybody has different opinions or beliefs. In most cases the outgoing person believes they will win the argument. They keep the argument going until the other person gives up. They believe they have won a battle of the big war. But the effects on the children are devastating. They watch the argument and become accustom to it, and they apply these arguing techniques to their adult lives. In an argument each person believes they are right, but the children think they are both in the wrong. But they take what they learn from their parents and use it in life. The three stages that have a devastating effect on the children are personalities collide, hurtful statements fly, and unnecessary rage takes control.
