Just when you begin to wonder about your abilities as a parent, something comes along to give you hope.
At My Wit's End
My daughter had always had trouble leaving me. She was not cosseted. I encouraged her to try new things, new situations, meet new people. But when it came time to pull away from Mom and be strong on her own, she balked at the very idea. From kindergarten to third grade, she would cry each time I would leave her at school. She would cry hard and long, even as she made her way into the building to join her class.
Into the Big Girl Stage
As she entered the big girl stage of third grade, she began to end her tirade of tears and misery. Was this good? Actually, no, I don't believe it was. The problem? She had begun to show her frustration in other ways. At this point, since she was too old to let the other kids see her cry when Mom left, she began to develop physical symptoms. She would have headaches, allergy symptoms, and physical pains that were suspect. As a Mom, I dared not ignore any symptoms. Should they prove to be more than psychological, I would feel like a terrible person for blowing off her complaints. The other problem? I believe she honestly thought she was sick; and I believe she actually made herself sick. Stress and frustration can rear their heads in strong ways when they can not be expressed openly.
Enter the Middle School Years
Finally we entered the adventures of the middle school, or junior high years. This brought even more stress, physical symptoms, and mystery headaches and phantom pains. By the seventh grade, I had begun to make trips to the school several times a week during the day. I would have to deliver wrist braces, allergy medication, ankle braces, and Tylenol or some similar pain killer. Again, we had been to doctors about some of the aches and pains. But most often than not they weren't serious enough for testing and would go away once she was soothed by my attention. But I was literally at my wit's end to know how to “fix” her problems. By now, I admitted that she was more like me than I had wanted to believe. As a child, I had separation anxiety and social anxiety as well.
Seeking Help
My daughter knew how frustrated I was becoming. She showed her frustration at that as well, not wanting to upset me, but knowing I did care that she had problems we felt clueless how to improve. She decided to see her school counselor. We tried different techniques to help her overcome her anxiety. She would force herself into situations to try to become braver when faced with them. Nothing was working.
What Were We to Do?
This is where home school became an answer that seemed the only recourse. We had been against it in the past and had to swallow pride and admit we might have been wrong. So, feeling helpless, I swallowed the pride. My daughter's well-being was much more important to me than my pride. I had to learn and learn quick what was needed so that we could once and for all get on the path to healing the emotional trauma we were going through with the anxiety.
Help Arrives in Unexpected Packages
By this stage in our game of life, I felt very strong the presence of the Lord guiding me to make the decision to home school. But I would still have been scared to try if it had not been for another friend of our family who had discovered this route and helped pave the way for us. She, too, had a daughter suffering similar anxiety with public school and separation from her safety net of home and Mom. So, we solicited her aid as to how we could begin our new adventure
Change Was Incredible
Home school was indeed the answer for our anxiety issues. The physical symptoms almost stopped completely. The anxiety was no more. The courage began to climb. We both learned about each other and from each other. I learned a lot about the process of being in charge of my daughter's education and saw things I could not have been exposed to otherwise. It was truly an eye-opener for me. We began to have new adventures on our own that we wouldn't have taken the time to do if she had stayed in the public school. She began to show her bravery and began to try new things on her own.
No Hard Feelings
I have no hard feelings about public schooling. They have their place and are very much needed. By no means do I feel I could substitute for a teacher who has a college education and is qualified to be in charge of a group of unruly students! If my daughter were a “problem” child, I could not have succeeded in home schooling her. She did not suffer academically in school. She was bragged on quite often by her teachers. She wants to try to return to public school. If it doesn't work, though, I will definitely welcome keeping her home and teaching her myself as long as it is necessary. And I'll be thankful for the opportunity as I am for what we have accomplished together thus far! Shawnee Bowlin
