As parents we dread the day when we will no longer be the most important person in our child's life. Today I faced the reality that I was no longer a "hero" in my sons eyes, I was more like a thorn in his side. As the day went by the realization that he was no longer "my baby" has became a painful agony that only a Mother can explain.
My caring has turned to meddling, my opinions have turned into misunderstood ramblings that no longer matter in his world. As I watch the fifteen year old turn slowly into a young man my heart breaks as he begins his journey into the unknown world of peer pressure and temptation. I realize that I can no longer help him and protect him as he sets out on his journey of mistakes and lessons learned, that I can no longer control.
I look at his deep blue eyes and see the little boy of yesterday that hung on my every word. The loving arms that used to hug me every chance he got now very seldom embrace my awaiting arms. I feel the ache in my chest and the lump in my throat as I must let go and hope I have done the best job that I can to help him make the right decisions. Right or wrong they must be his own, and I must be there to pick up the pieces.
I find myself not being able to look directly at him, and I find this strange, but it is like I am looking at a stranger, someone who no longer looks up to me or even cares what I think. I have become a provider of food and shelter, clothing and transportation, no longer the keeper of his heart. I don't ever remember feeling this lonely in my life, even though I knew the day would come, I don't think I would have ever been ready. I shall cherish every moment he allows me and hold on with every breathe, for he is my life, my heart and still in my eyes, will always be my baby.
