My wife Sylvia gave birth to our first twin boys we when were both in the mid-forties. That was almost 20 years after our marriage and 18 years of non stop search for infertility help treatments. The boys will both be fifteen years old in the coming December 5th, 2007.
As old parents raising young kids, we do have many problems other young parents may not have faced. And among them all is our old age.
Our difficulty arose when we sent our boys to kindergarten and deteriorated when they continued to the primary. They started to notice the look of friends' parents and their own. Occasionally they would ask why we do not look like Moms or Dads they see in school.
Situation might heat up when they are being teased by friends in school. They would become irrational and demand to know why we are so different. Apparently, they do not know people aged and one day they will just be exactly the same like us growing to be old parents.
i was doing my doctorate degree with a dissertation in enabling Thai Chinese Christian fathers in raising their teenagers according to god's will during this time when we were confronting this problem of old parents and young children. the study really helps tremendously to alleviate our family predicament.
In studying, it came with more than just a Degree but a whole package of How to
explain aging to my kids. First of all, the 100 over books, Title of works, Journals and
Web Literatures I required to read gave me insight to the nature, way of thinking,
growing process and many others of kids.
Second, the 10 parents I spent time with in the interviews gave me an insight of real
experiences in parenting. How do they handle the situation when kids demand to
know why they do not have things the same like their peers?
Third, another bonus that came in the same package of study is the educational
advice from the team of the advising professors.
At time when the situation was
getting out of hand where the twins would not be satisfied with what ever you tell
them on the old aged parents, I would simply pick up a phone and seek advice from
one of my advisers.
Last but not least is help from God. He is always around to help no matter how
difficult the situation was.
My advice, as an old aged parents, from my own experience in raising our two
young boys are:
Take them to the church from the early years of their age. Encourage them to attend
children classes. Stories like God's creature, Noah and the Ark, Samson, or David
with the Goliath would lay down a good foundation for them to understand aging
disease, and death.
This, however, will not stop their curiosity why their
same like other parents. They may ask you the question and before they finish asking,
they would probably forget all about it and start to play with the new toys you hand
over to. Or they may ask the same question right after their gesturing nods that they
understand all what you said why people aged, get sick and die. They may also ask
the same question 10 times a day when ever it comes to their mind or see wrinkle in
your face.
At time they can be irrational and senseless. This is especially true when they are being disturbed in school or neighborhood friends. In this situation, remember their problem is not their old aged parents but more to the disturbance. Do not talk to them about old aged. Simply get out of the subject and draw their attention to something else they like.
The time to tell them about aging, disease, and death best is through situation, occasion, or event that happens to come by. What would be a better time to teach them about death when we attend a funeral. We can talk it out on the way driving back home after the service. We can talk on the serious subject without the seriousness while they still have their games in their hands.
The same is true when we visit a relative in a hospital. It would be an appropriate time to talk about disease and sickness. Do not too concern if they are interested or understand. They probably are not. Just tell them and get them to familiarize with the unpleasant subject. It would be a much better time than while you are dining on the table or try to set up a special time to tell them.
For aging, I remember we liked to talk about it with our kids when we watched the TV advertisement on cosmetic and health care products. What the cream is for? Why the uses of hair dye? How to stay fit at old aged?
All these practices will subdue not only the anxiety of your children on old parents, disease, and death, but will also enhance their knowledge on the subject too. Our twin boys are in their last term of High school 2nd year now and they are proud of their own old aged parents.
I must thank God too. In fact I always thank Him in all of the situations. God himself has kept this old aged parent's problem a lighthearted experience despite all the up and down hurdles of the issue in our family. I pray that this will also be to you. Amen.
