I have a five-year-old daughter that I have been struggling with lately. Usually she is very well behaved, but when it comes to bed time she just doesn't want to go to bed. She battles with me every night to stay up longer. During those battles she becomes very disrespectful, violent, and sometimes she even seems possessed. There are many parents out there that struggle with the same thing, so I've decided to share what we've tried and also what we found to work.
We have talked with many people on the correct way to discipline your children, and have found lots of different opinions. Some say spank, other's say spanking only makes things worse. The thing to remember is that every child is different. Something may work with one child, but another child won't even respond. You have to find out what works for your child and also your family.
Spanking
We have tried spanking when she was a little younger, however it's very disturbing to me to hit my child. In my opinion it's saying that hitting is okay when you are angry. If you choose to spank your child, I would advise calming down first. Never hit your child when you are angry, this shows them that violence is okay when your mad, and also you may lose control when your angry. Calm down first, then go back to your child and explain to him/her that they will be getting a spanking for this action, how many times you plan on spanking them, and then after the spanking reassure your child that you love him/her. Let them know that you love them but not their behavior.
Time-Outs
This is another form of discipline that is commonly used in small children. In order for a time-out to work the child needs to see that he/she is missing out on something. They need to know that just because they are in trouble, everyone else is going to go on with what they were doing. It's very important for them to know that the world does not stop turning just because they are in trouble. I advise you not to sit down with your child when he/she is in time-out, because this makes the time-out seem not so bad. They need to actually be left alone, and usually children will try to talk to you or get up, the best thing to do is return the child to the designated time-out spot, and ignore your child until his/her time-out is over. Once their time is up, calmly ask your child what he/she did wrong, if they do not know explain it to them and let them know their behavior was not acceptable.
Taking Away Privileges
I have found that this is a very hard consequence to stick with, so taking away your child's privileges is something that requires consistency. If you say you are going to take something away, take it away and let your child know when and how they will earn that specific privilege back. If he/she does not do what they are supposed to do in order to regain the privilege do not give it back. In a child's world basically everything is a privilege, except eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and the necessities. *Don't ever starve your children, you will have your children taken away if you do this, or worse they may die. * You can however take away computer time, toys, playing outside, going to the park, spending the night with grandma/friends, and anything else that is not an absolute necessity.
Grounding
This will work better with older children. In my opinion, if they did something wrong that is worth being grounded for, they should be grounded from everything. Take T.V., computer, cell phone, phone, and friends away from your child. They must know that you are not kidding around. They also have to learn that what you say goes. You are requiring them to behave because it's what's best for them, not what's best for you, they need to respect you and your wishes. Do not give in when your child asks you one thousand times if they can be ungrounded. I know that it can be trying, but stick to what you said, otherwise they will know that every time they are grounded they can get un-grounded by hounding you a million times.
The Reward System
You can also set a reward system in motion. It's actually very simple and usually works well with smaller children. All you have to do is make a chart, and when you child does something positive they get a sticker for that. Set a specific number of stickers they need to obtain by the end of the week (or day) in order to get a reward. These stickers, however, can also be taken away, so you can use taking a sticker away as a punishment. The Reward System may not work right away, but after your child knows that they are actually going to get a reward for behaving, or they will lose their reward for misbehaving, it will become important for them to get and keep their stickers. This also reminds you to praise your child for his/her good behavior, rather than always focusing on the bad behavior, which is much easier to do!
The tip I would like to leave you with is this, CONSISTENCY, consistency is the most important part of parenting. If you say that your child is going to get this consequence ALWAYS follow through. When you don't follow through you teach your child that they can probably get away with their bad behavior and eventually will ignore your warnings all together.
The most important part of parenting is to always remember to LOVE your children. Children need love and care the most, if you respect your child they will most likely respect you. Children learn from example, set a good example for your child to learn from.
Also remember that parenting is very trying at times, always take time out for yourself! You need a break and there is nothing wrong with that!
NO ONE is a PERFECT parent, everyone makes mistakes. I encourage you to learn from them, don't dwell on them!
