Our family with two biological children decided to consider adopting an older child several years ago. The girl was six year old at the time.
We were missionary teachers in a country in the Caribbean. I was principal in a small Christian school, and my wife was the kindergarten teacher. Not long into the school year, an old grandmother approached my wife with a proposition. She introduced herself as the grandmother of one of my wife's students whom we will call Kelly. She told that Kelly's mother was deemed unfit and lost custody of Kelly. Kelly's father, a son of the grandmother, was the legal caregiver for Kelly, but he was willing, even eager, to find a good home for his daughter.
The grandmother wanted my wife and me to adopt the girl and take her to the USA when we returned there. After praying about it and getting assurance that the grandmother's story was accurate, we agreed.
We went to the authorities in the country and after a while, got the papers to take Kelly with us when we left for the USA. All was arranged, and we returned to Indiana where I was to begin graduate studies at Indiana University. Very soon, we began to get telephone calls from Kelly's mother's lawyer. Threats, pleadings and other such messages were overwhelming to us.
We had been taking classes for legally adopting Kelly and had just finished the sessions and had our home study finished. About that time, we were notified that Kelly's mother had petitioned an international judge and was awarded custody of Kelly again. We had to fly Kelly back to her homeland.
This news was harder for me than for my wife, it seems. I became too emotional at times and could not control my crying. We had planned so well for Kelly to become another daughter for our family.
In the meantime, our older daughter had become very close to Kelly and spent much time with her. Our son was secretly becoming jealous. He and his real sister had been very close, and now Kelly had apparently come between him and his sister. He seemed to have a secret growing hatred for Kelly but was afraid to express it. He was relieved when Kelly had to fly back to her homeland.
At the same time, the Monroe Country authorities were aware of our situation and felt for us in losing Kelly. They had another problem on their hands, however. Another family had acquired an eight year old boy from Asia to adopt. He was to be the brother of a Korean boy they had adopted several years earlier as a baby. However, they found that the other Asian boy, whom we will call Austin, was not at all American. His Asian mannerisms and very poor English language skills were not acceptable to his new family. They asked the county to find another home for Austin.
The county was aware of us and our loss. They contacted us to consider Austin. After praying and thinking it through, we decided to take Austin for adoption. In the month of December, Austin was brought to us. Excitement, nervous tension and confusion all mixed together for all of us. Our older son had graduated from high school and was now a student at a Bible school in Cincinnati. Our daughter seemed to accept the idea of a new sibling to replace Kelly.
As Austin's earlier family, we also saw problems in Austin, but we felt we could get past them. We changed his name again so by now he has had three different names. We used the name that he had in his homeland for a while, but he soon asked us to change it since classmates at school had never heard that name before. We gave him a choice of four names with the idea of using his original Asian name for a middle name. He chose one of the four, which is the name we now use for him.
His English skills were poor so he was put into the second grade although he should have been in fourth grade. That was temporary until his language abilities improved enough to study fourth grade material.
He went through the typical signs of adopted children, quiet acceptance of his new role in life, active rejection of the new family for a few weeks, a renewed acceptance of his role in the family and finally becoming a loving son for us.
All of this happened many years ago. Now, the new son is a good friend with our oldest son and our daughter. He found a girlfriend when around twenty years of age and married her. They now have given us four grandchildren. He is now a US citizen with English skills that seem native-like. He has completely forgotten his Asian language by now.
We have not heard from Kelly since we sent her back to her homeland. We hope she is doing well. We feel she should have been our child. We are sure she would have had a good future in our family. Still, we would not have adopted our Asian son if we had kept Kelly.
