The first thing a parent should remember is that all children are different, even if they may look alike physically. One may be an introvert who shuns crowds and parties; the other turns out to be the life and magnet of any reunion. We often make the mistake as parents to believe that since we are fair we must treat all of them the same way. Serious mistake!
Observing babies only a day old will reveal completely different behaviors at that tender age; that means that some traits in our temperament are innate, while others become acquired. The old discussion regarding the importance of nature vs. nurture is simply a waste of time. Let's accept them the way they are and design a specific approach for each child even as they cling voraciously to the life giving nipple.
In this context of early childhood, I am convinced from experience that most grandmothers are a hindrance to the children's proper training. They rush to the baby's side as soon as they hear a whimper, let alone a full-blown cry. If we know for a fact that there is no immediate danger, let them use their lungs for a while; they need to do it periodically.
By attending to their needs without delay since early childhood, we are telling the child that they control our lives, that they have the power to summon our presence whenever they feel like it. When they become older, the feeling of control persists and converts many mothers in "slaves" to their children's every request. It should be the other way around; obedience is a trait that is taught and learned from an early age. How many times have you observed a child's tantrum followed by the mother giving in? Too many times to count probably.
But if we "teach" the child that he/she can use these tactics to obtain what they want, we are creating a "monster" who will make our life miserable. We must reward good behavior, not the other way around. That is called behavior conditioning and you certainly have seen it on television; experts use it on dogs because it works. And it works fine on children. They do what you ask and expect, and they get a reward. They misbehave and they lose the prize. But please don't use money as a reward; you'll convert them into materialistic "fiends".
Parents: the prize need not be material. Children respond very well to hugs, words of congratulations, and, best of all, the satisfaction of knowing that they did well. It's called self-satisfaction and it is closely linked to self-esteem. A child who has been spoiled will never experience self-satisfaction. He/she must be rewarded by external factors to be content. As parents we must educate our children to seek internal rewards such as pride in doing your best, even if you fail to reach your objectives.
As a teacher I have often witnessed students who crave attention from their instructor; sometimes they misbehave on purpose to be noted. On other occasions they really try to do the work well to hear the teacher say "Well done, Jacob". In every case, we have the obligation to recognize their different needs and act accordingly. In this light parents and teachers have the same mission: to educate future winners.
