The pleasures of grandparenting can wane when one's grandchildren become their fulltime responsibility. Being a second generation parent brings both the joys and challenges of everyday life as a parental figure. However, sometimes there is disappointment that your life is absorbed by the needs of yet another generation of children. How does a grandparent handle this gargantuan duty? Here are a few suggestions to improve your experiences while raising your grandchildren.
It's About Me
There was probably a time when you looked forward to the nest finally being empty so that you could enjoy some "me" time to pursue endeavors of personal interest. Guess what? You still can do those things. Remember to give the most to grandchildren you must take care of and attend to yourself. Therefore, create time to have a cup of coffee with friends, learn something new, have a spa date, or take on a new hobby. In addition to those external activities, spend quiet time daily in deep thought and meditation communing with the Creator. Reflect within about your life - past, present and future. Submerge yourself in tranquility; create peace in every area of yourself. Take long hot baths in the evening, have a cup of warm tea and listen to your favorite music. This can bring calm into your day - into your life. Always make taking care of yourself a priority!
Maintain Meaningful Relationships
Now that you have the added responsibility of raising children again, it is not the time to distance yourself from family and friends. Although your time may be more restricted, use a calendar or planner to schedule time to spend with those close to you, even if it's simply a phone call. Remember the times when you were a young parent and how important it was to have healthy and beneficial relationships. Though your friends may not be in the same situation they can certainly provide moral support and a pleasant release from the monotony.
Find or Create a Support Network
In addition to the support of family and friends, it is important to connect with those who are in similar situations as you. Seek organizations, church or religious affiliations, and community resources for moral support, counseling services, and networking opportunities. These are great avenues to arm you with information on varying topics pertaining to grandparenting. They also provide a release to prevent the feeling that you are alone. If there aren't any resources in your specific area, create a support group. This can be a fun and simple way to meet people in your area who share similar concerns. Here is a list of few national sites. Generations United, Grandparent Again, Grand's Place.
Pursue Personal Interests
Although you may not have planned to take on the care of your grandchildren, you should continue to pursue personal interests. For example, if you enrolled in Real Estate classes and feel that you can longer continue due to the rigors of your newfound responsibility, do not give up! Perhaps you can take those classes in the evenings or online. Remember, you are an expert at parenting. Do not allow the sometimes overwhelming nature of grandparenting cause you to feel inadequate. Yes, this is a new day and age, but you are a pro at this. You never "forget" how to parent and you can still enjoy a life filled with new experiences. It is strongly advised, however, to include in your to-do-list a parenting class or counseling to update yourself on some helpful techniques to add to the quality of you and your grandchildren's lives.
Take Advantage of Everything
Use every opportunity to make the most of your experiences. Second generation parenting is a chance to recreate new experiences with your grandchildren that you may feel that you missed with your children. A dreaded trip to the grocery store can be a learning adventure where toddlers identify as many colors as they can find. Or, young children must count the number of times they see the number 2, or teens can see if they can identify every type of produce and tell what region of the globe where it is grown. If you enjoy knitting, buy your granddaughter a needle and yarn. Teach her a simple knitting sequence and allow her to sit and create with you. She will learn a therapeutic hobby and the two of you can share in a moment of bonding. Parenting and grandparenting alike is about quality of time not quantity.
Release Guilt and Shame
It is often that grandparents who take on the rearing of their grandchildren due to extenuating circumstances feel a degree of guilt or shame. They feel that somehow they have failed somewhere in the raising of their children. Though it is important to "feel" your feelings, you mustn't hold on to them. Release any feelings of guilt and shame. You performed your duties as a parent to the best of your ability. Now lovingly accept your new responsibility and maximize this opportunity to enrich another generation of lives.
Build or Repair Relationship with Children
Regardless the reasons you have taken on the responsibility of raising your grandchildren maintain a healthy relationship with your children. There may be feelings of disappointment with them for decisions they have made in their lives, however, for the sake of your grandchildren, it is important to reflect an image of respect for their parents. Always speak well of their parents in their presence and allow them to see you make an effort when possible to connect with them in a healthy manner. Display love towards your children, forgiveness and acceptance. You can not change the past but you can certainly recreate a new reality for the future.
Have Fun and Lots of it!
Smile, laugh, giggle, and be silly! Simply enjoy life to the fullest. You are not a victim but one who has taken complete control of the destiny of your family. You have elected to take on a mammoth task to keep your family together. Be happy, be well! Though times may not always be easy, know that you are okay and are not alone. Playfully, in the most carefree way possible, embrace life's second chances. Play, frolic, have fun and lots of it with your grandchildren.
