So I think I am Super mom right? I can take my two kids out on a hike and they'll be turned into Earth loving Tree Huggers just like me right? They'll grow up to hike and camp the Appalachian Trail and save the earth one day. I start off smart knowing that the attention span of the under 6 class usually results in about 10-15 minutes, so hiking Profile trail that consists of ropes and ladders and running the ridge of Grandfather Mountain was out of the question.
I buy the hiking book like the good tourist I am and sit down to study the trails knowing we have to start off small. I read through and settle on the hikes that read “family hike”, or “easy and barrier free” or “short”. I know my wonderful little angels, anything called “long” or “moderately strenuous” would up the “whine” factor. Meaning that the more work involved for my little angels the more difficult they can make my life.
So we opt for a short, family style hike, translation if you want to sneeze and hit the end of the trail this is it. We don't go out unarmed by all means. I am part of the athletic “gear” crowd so hiking is no exception. I have enough gear to hike the entire Appalachian trail and we will use it for our 15 minute “family” hike! Getting the gear together is much more fun for little boys than the actual hike.
“Mommy, do we have our camelbacks?”
“Sure honey, let me take the water I boiled last night and fill them up.” Oh, the ice cubes contain the contaminated water but that's OK, it's only a small percentage. I put enough water to hydrate us through the Sahara Desert into each Camelback. I fill up three Camelbacks not due to having enough water but to each person having their “own” Camelback. In the world of preschoolers, their “own stuff” is key. Or it could be my personality coming out in my child.
“Mommy, what are we going to eat?” asks my son. I've learned now in my six plus years as a mother than going anywhere without food spells TROUBLE. So again, we're going on a fifteen minute hike with sandwiches, snack bags, and fruit. If we do get lost on our short hike we've got enough food to last at least a week maybe longer if we are able to ration the big bag of candy my 6 year old hid in his Camelback. I add the sunscreen, bug spray, my hiking book, and Chapstick.
My first challenge is finding the trail head. I have the GPS and the directions in the book but I still go the wrong way after crossing the Parkway. Most people joking say that I “can't find my way out of a paper bag” and in this case I have to say it's true. We go the wrong way trying to get to the Parkway and then the wrong way once ON the Parkway. Soon we're riding along reading mile markers counting down to our trailhead.
Once we finally find it, I start with the usual troop movement. Mind you, I only have two children and trying to get them moving is harder than eating a few months of just cheese.
“Guys do you have your shoes on?”
“What shoes?”
“The shoes I told you to bring.”
“What shoes?”
“You're lucky I'm a thinking Mommy, the shoes I told you to bring, that I brought, because I knew you wouldn't bring. Now did you learn your lesson?”
“What?”
“Just get your shoes on.”
I work on getting the Camelbacks together, they're heavy from the six month ration of water I've added to each one, then making sure our supplies are set. I get sunglasses, close up the windows on the car, hide all of our valuable belongings (two McDonalds Happy Meal Toys and my cell phone) then close up the car. I beep to lock it then look at my angels.
”Where are your shoes?”
“What shoes?”
I unlock the car again to find the shoes, toss them at my angels then lock the car again. I wonder how much easier it'd be if shoes were just glued to their feet. I turn and they're still just standing there holding their shoes. “Please just get your shoes on!” I've resorted to Evil Mommy and we haven't even hit the trailhead yet.
