There were two words in the English language guaranteed to work miracles on my Dad's shopping habits- “New” and “Improved”. It really didn't matter what was actually new and/or improved about the particular product, all that mattered was the distance between the new and the old versions. If the old one brought joy, the new one had better raise the bar to unfettered bliss. If the regular version was the Buick of its genre, the improved one had better be pushing Lamborghini specs. Dad usually gave the marketing guys one good shot to convince him the package wasn't mislabeled.
Now that I'm older, I realize I have a word of my own- “Gourmet”. I swear if I'm shopping for bug spray or drain opener, I would still look for the gourmet variety. I swear I don't recognize myself sometimes.
I now have 11 cans of exquisite gourmet coffee from the good people at Story House. You have to know I throw in the G word every chance I get. “Here, try some of this wonderful GOOORRRMAY coffee. It's from La Costra Nostra Guadalupe Insanity Estates. Isn't it just the BEST?” “Oh, those cans? Just some GOOORRRMAY coffee my friends in Portland send me.” Let he who has never found himself actually reading the Williams and Sonoma catalog cast the first stone. I believe it has everything to do with my champagne tastes on a fizzy grape juice budget. There's just something intrinsically satisfying about having one thing in common with Wolfgang Puck.
It's so nice to brew a pot of gourmet coffee and use words like "buttery" and "mouth feel" in a coherent sentence. I can't imagine anything more refined and elegant. Unless, of course, some marketing genius figures out my secret and comes up with New and Improved gourmet coffee. Some people just don't fight fair.
